The Walk of Shame
by Rosette-Cullen
Summary: Working in a tattoo shop with a group of outspoken co-workers, Edward finds himself unable to cope with a new girl working his chair. Kind of a crackfic, dedicated to all my wonderful friends, AH, OOC, super mature.


**A/N: ****I wrote this months ago for a contest, some things happened and I couldn't participate so I held onto it until I had a dream about it. Crazy I know. ;)**

**I want to dedicate this to all of my amazing friends on ff who support me and give kind words. I feel so amazingly lucky to have such a great community to be apart of.**

**I've been told this is humor and elicits a little giggle, so hope this does the trick for ya.**

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'_The Walk of Shame_' is known as many things in modern society. It could be a corrupt politician walking down the road to the courthouse, awaiting his sentencing for being a complete asshat and whatnot. There's the more popular one-night-stand slash morning-after walk that a couple prostitutes were doing right now. A grizzled blonde walked by me and winked with her brown eyes and clumped lashes.

_The Walk of Shame_ also happened to be the title of the establishment I was rolling into at that moment. The chipped burgundy door swung open with ease, paused at the upturned floorboard, and slammed back into the wall with the sound of chimes following it in its wake.

The toe of my boot tapped on the super glued quarter on the floor, some kid's eyes following my movement to see if the quarter would move and he was just doing it wrong, and I smiled.

The sound of buzzing was everywhere, oh God, it was wonderful. The scent of ink and the smell of bleach mixed with hydrogen peroxide assaulted my nose and eyes.

If there was ever a truer point of "go to the light" this would be it. The glint off the metal armrest of the chair before me from the rising sun made my stomach drop and my heart start to beat faster. The closer I got, the more I could feel a hard-on coming.

"You're late," snapped the Nazi behind me. "Again."

I sighed and ran my fingers across the smooth metal, then over the vinyl. "You're ruining my mood."

The militant huffed and puffed. "You're mood's gone by the time noon hits. Get your station ready because Crowley's coming back for a touch up." And she blew my mood down.

I turned around to glare down at the barely there monster that was standing like the ruler of the universe in purple spikey heels with ridiculous bows _everywhere_. She looked like she should be walking the boardwalk with those hookers. Alice's eyes narrowed and her nose scrunched up, making the septum piercing appear to be an accessory to the rage of a bull. My upper lip twitched and her pupils did a weird shimmering thing.

"Get ready!" she screeched and walked into the break room.

I snorted and turned back to heaven on earth. The chrome needed to be waxed a bit, there were ink splatters on the footrest, and when my eyes widened and my mouth snapped open to start accusing people, Jasper came running out of the back room. He slid across the floor and put his hands up, waving frantically to try and calm me down so he could explain something that would make little difference.

"After you left!" he yelled. "Alice was working and I needed some place with a leg lift!"

I straightened up and he swallowed. My fucking baby was violated and then left to rot with prizm colors that were probably going to leave a stain. I saw red, the red of the vinyl that was starting to give under the weight of my fingers.

"I told you not to do it," Rosalie cooed from the reception area. My eyes darted over to where she was sitting on the counter, inspecting the dragonfly that I inked on her wrist yesterday.

Jasper shook his head, eyes wide. He knew what was coming because this wasn't the first time. Two months ago he left black light ink all over the seat and even when I had video footage of him doing it, he still refused to admit it like a pussy. His eyes became a shockingly light blue as he continued to shake his head back and forth, making his obnoxiously long blonde hair swing back and forth, only taunting me further.

I jumped at him but he rolled when I got him to the floor. My fist connected with the wood beneath by his neck and before I could register the pain that was shooting up my arm and throughout my knuckles, he kicked me away and then jumped on top of me.

"It was an accident," he grunted while holding my shoulders down.

"The hell it was," I snarled. "Every fucking time you use Lizzy there's always a stain!"

"That's not true," Alice giggled from the sidelines. Her grin caused a fury of unseen violence to commence through my chest. I wanted to grab her tiny little head by her inky black spikes and—

Jasper grabbed my hair and pulled my head back to his line of sight. He was glaring at me. "Don't fucking look at my woman like that."

"She looks like a euthanized fairy bull!" I shouted.

Rosalie started laughing and Alice started screaming. Somewhere in the shop Emmett was pounding on a wall, the telltale signs that he had heard and was reaping the rewards of my stupidity.

Jasper wasn't that big, or muscular. He was a pretty scrawny little kid, four years younger than me, probably fifty pounds lighter, and a country princess who thought he was _the_ badass of the world. All of these were laughable, but when it came to Alice, he was lost without her.

Flashes of the first time we met, when he was bent over some bleeding guy's head like a tribal sacrifice with Alice crying tears of joy, came before my eyes. The boy was whipped, did everything and anything for Alice, so at that moment, while my head was being slammed into the floor by moisturized hands and knuckles with the name 'Alice' tattooed on each, I couldn't help but think that her anger was being divulged through him.

Before I passed out I flipped him the bird and kicked him in the nuts.

--

Could have been five minutes or five hours later that I awoke, but everyone was above me, and before I could think to put names to faces, Alice spit in my face.

"You stupid bit—"

"Shut the fuck up, Edward," she snapped. "If you say one more word I'll get the dumbest, greasiest son of a bitch to work Lizzy."

Rosalie grinned above me, her blonde hair falling off her shoulder and tickling my cheek. I had a straight shot at her cleavage and looked away before Emmett caught me even _thinking_ about it. She reached down and patted my head; I stared directly at the eye on her palm to stop from peeking at the green panties under her slinky tube dress.

_Can no girl in this place dress like they're not a hooker?_

My eyes wandered around the room, determining where the hell I was. Well, none of these dumbasses thought to call an ambulance when I passed out, so I was still on the floor, I was bleeding from several places, and Jasper was no where to be found.

I reached up and wiped the spit from my face, smearing it on Alice's leg beside my head. She kicked my hand away and I lulled my head on the floorboards.

"If anyone touches Lizzy I'll—"

"Get your ass beat by Country Boy?" Emmett giggled like a girl. "I can't believe you!"

I closed my eyes; I'd never live this shit down. Never.

"Cut the bravado," Rosalie snickered. "Your hand's broken, you know the rules."

"The fuck are you talking about?" I muttered. I lifted my right hand and it was fine, my left wasn't, though. My face contorted into a mask of horror that had everyone laughing, but I was focused on the painful movement of my knuckles, and the way the skin was scratched away. Not more than a foot away was a fucking nail sticking out of the floor covered in red.

My eyes flickered desperately to Lizzy, standing there in all her chrome and vinyl glory. I had a mild panic attack. Mild.

"Oh Christ, he's gonna pass out." Rosalie sighed.

"Edward, chill," Emmett splashed some water on my face and I pulled Alice's ugly purple shoe off her foot and nailed him in the head with the heel.

--

I wish I could have said that my hand being broken didn't matter, but it really did. Not only did it hurt like a bitch, but I had to have stitches up to about mid forearm because fucking Jasper rolled around on me like a pig in the mud.

The portrait of the staircase to heaven with angels climbing up it and devils walking down was completely ruined. One angel in particular, one that looked exactly like my ex girlfriend, was slashed up the middle, which I wasn't so much upset about, but the face was fine, the tits were just completely screwed up. That's really the only part I wanted to remember about Tanya.

Emmett convinced me it was a sign and I should get over the bitch that stole five years of my life and flushed them down the crapper. I told him it was sign that I should become celibate.

The worst part—the part that made me contemplate suicide—was the fact that I could no longer tattoo.

Lizzy would—she'd, oh God, she'd be operated by someone else. Some idiot who wouldn't know to lightly dab a cotton cloth with water and a hint of bleach after every use.

I refused to let any of the three who allowed Jasper to fuck around on it use it. Emmett was pissed off because apparently he was the successor to the throne. He either had a warped perception of reality, or was doing something twisted.

As much as I hated to admit it, the only one qualified enough to run Lizzy was Alice, and hell if I'd let that little troll sit _on_ Lizzy, much less hold a needle and ink near her. Since the shop had several locations around Washington, an employee from some little town was relocating to Seattle for a raise.

I figured it'd be best to get someone professional, but also someone who could learn to work with Lizzy and only Lizzy. Jasper's chair and Emmett's chair were completely different. Each chair had to be worked from a different angle compared to Lizzy, and the thought of either buffoon mindlessly focusing on the customer over my baby made me sick.

Thursday afternoon, when the shop was closed and I was setting up my station with Jasper's steely, weasel eyes watching me, my stomach was in knots. If this new kid was an idiot, I was going to have to the break the rules and make my left sleeve on my leather jacket longer.

By one I was sitting beside Lizzy and glaring at the front door. My fingers were playing around the one inch plug in my ear, slipping through and tugging to check for infection. My leg was jumping up and down nervously and Rosalie was constantly walking, gauging my reaction and annoyance. This kid was an hour late and I was getting pissed off.

Had I not loved _The Walk of Shame_ sometimes more than my own life, I would have started throwing shit around like a five-year-old. My boot was thumping against the floor at an alarming rate and Emmett stepped out from the break room. He pushed a green bottle in my face and I smacked it away. No way in hell was I drinking when some new kid was going to be learning about Lizzy.

Alice was dancing around, all fucking happy that I couldn't be happy. She was gloating to Rosalie loud enough that I could hear her all throughout the day. She stuck out her tongue, flicking the metal ball up and down to taunt me, and the more she did it the more pissed I became.

Finally, around two, the door swung open and the chimes sounded throughout the shop. I dragged my eyes from the ceiling where a water stain was beginning to form, and looked towards the front desk.

Rosalie was talking to some brunette. She was little and petite, kind of like a way hotter version of Alice without the bitchy upper lip or clown feet. I let my head lean back against the chair and screwed my eyes shut. No. No way in hell was some chick taking over my station.

She could have been here to schedule an appointment, though. I didn't let myself listen as she spoke to Rosalie, hoping beyond all reason that she was illiterate and couldn't read the sign outside.

"Edward," Rosalie's voice yelled to me and I heard the dual sound of heels clicking toward me. "Your girl's here."

I snapped my eyes open and glared at her. How dare she mock me in my time of grieving? The brunette was shifting a bit, probably feeling the tension between the two of us. I pursed my lips to stop a grin from spreading.

Rosalie turned towards the brunette. "This caveman is Edward, you'll be replacing his useless ass until that—" she pointed a witches finger towards my arm and the white cast adorning it, "—does whatever it does to get better." She flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder and eyed me warily, getting ready to speak to me. "This is Isabella Swan; she ran the shop in Forks, somewhere up in the middle of nowhere."

My eyes glazed over. _Lizzy Izzy. Lizzy Izzy_.

Rosalie snapped her fingers in front of my face and pulled her eyebrows together. When I made eye contact she slapped my cheek.

"What the f—"

"Don't swear in front of ladies asshole." Rosalie grinned. "Girl, I wish you luck with this piece of work." She turned away, swaying her hips too much.

Izzy turned to me and I shoved my hands in my pockets. "You're super fucking late," I said with less malice than I was feeling before.

She looked at the ground and then looked back up at me. "Yeah, sorry, I was just telling Rosalie that Seattle traffic is crazy." She laughed a little hysterically and shuffled her feet a bit.

I caught a glimpse of electric blue and took a second glance. She had on the same spike heels that Alice had on the day her country princess knocked me out, but instead of bright obnoxious purple she had on bright, eye catching blue. I followed the shoes over the pale skin of her small feet and thanked Christ I wouldn't have to look at the flippers Alice and Rosalie were waddling around with.

I wrenched my eyes away and pressed my back to the wall. "Ask Rosalie for a map of back roads and don't be late again. You got me?"

Her eyes opened wide and the multiple piercings in her left eyebrow lifted with her slightly shocked expression. "I—I got you," she very nearly whispered.

"You know how to set up the inking guns without making a mess?" I asked. She nodded. "Go right on ahead."

"Gloves?"

"Third drawer down."

Izzy set off, bending over to nab the plastic gloves. I got a nice look at her ass—round as a peach—and when she stood to put them on and set up the needle and ink cartridge I ogled her legs. Her jeans were tight and hugged her ass and calf muscles until it hit her ridiculous heels.

"Done," she said brightly. She turned around with her hands on her hips where her shirt had ridden up a bit showing a weird damask tattoo in the shape of two mocking birds facing away from each other.

"Wrong," I said without even needing to look.

"What? How?" She spun around and her hands fluttered around uselessly around the gun and needle.

"Plug it in," I sighed. Everyone always forgot to plug it in.

"Oh."

"Uh-huh."

"'Kay, now it's ready," she looked hopeful and I peeked over her shoulder. She closed the case, tightened the cord and pressed in the side of the gun.

"Alright, you know how to set up a needle. Good for you, you did your job."

Her eyes narrowed. "There's no need for sarcasm."

I rolled my eyes and she started taking off the backpack I hadn't noticed she had on before. She had a short sleeve blue button up shirt on, top two buttons undone and fabulous tits pressing against the front. I licked my lips and buried my hands deeper in my pockets.

It'd been a while since I hooked up with anyone. That was cool; I didn't really have a life outside this place. Since Tanya dumped my ass a year ago and I invested every waking moment in work I hadn't been interested in a relationship or a one-night-stand. I didn't need to do the Walk of Shame anywhere except in this shop.

Still, I was a guy, and Izzy was a girl, and she had a fine body with probably a bunch of different inkings and piercings that were hidden under her clothes. How could any person resist wanting to know?

She leaned forward and placed her bag on Lizzy,

My eyes snapped open and Jasper guffawed behind me somewhere. My hand shot out to grab the bag and I had to actually restrain myself from slamming it back into her pretty little face. She caught the bag in her arms and fell back against the counter, hissing when the edge hit her skin. Served her right.

"Listen," I hissed. Her eyes shot up to mine. "You. Do. Not. Touch. Lizzy."

"Who the hell is Lizzy?" she sputtered and threw her bag in the corner. She actually had the nerve to glare at me and cross her arms over her chest like _she _had _any_ reason to be pissed off.

"The chair," I spat. "Don't fucking touch the chair without my permission."

"What's your major malfunction?"

"I don't have one. Don't touch the fucking chair if you want to have a job."

"How am I supposed to _do_ my job without access to a chair?" she snapped.

"Don't fucking touch the chair without my permission. That means you don't sit in it for leisure, don't put your shit on the seat, hanging from the chair, or even near the chair." I took a step forward and she continued to glare. "And don't you dare forget to clean up whatever mess you make in my chair."

"Your chair?" she choked. "I think it's this establishment's chair."

_Huh?_

The—the stupid… she didn't say that, she—this dumb bitch—fucking thinks that—

"_Thank you!_" Alice sang from the break room. The She Hag stepped out and crossed her arms over her chest, I looked back at the idiot in front of me. Of course, Alice hated being ignored. "Bella, I think we're going to be great friends."

Bella? Who the fuck was Bella? The girl in front me shifted again and her pink tongue slipped out. I caught sight of a purple tongue ring. I almost cracked up laughing.

Her expression was borderline terrified. At least she wasn't a complete idiot. Alice looked especially gaudy today. She had some stupid looking tutu and white and black fishnets with pink Doc Martins and a freaking corset thing. She looked like the bride of Franken-Bumpkin meets a cross dresser. Bella, as I decided to deem her—considering she was no where near as endearing as Lizzy—rubbed a hand up and down her arm and I could tell she was trying not to stare at the monster behind me.

I mashed my lips together and tugged Bella's arm back to the counter, trying to keep my serious face without laughing like a madman. Alice walked away and started to cackle with Jasper's guffaw and I cracked up laughing.

Bella was tapping her stubby nails on the counter. Her hair covered the right side of her face so I had no idea what she was thinking of my outburst.

Little sounds slipped from her lips and then I could distinguish laughs from what I thought were sobs. She looked at the ceiling and made some frustrated noise but was smiling.

"What the hell was she wearing?" she whispered.

"She's visiting her home planet after work," I belted.

Bella slapped my arm and put a finger to her lips, telling me to shut my fucking mouth. My shoulders straightened out and I sighed. Might as well get the heartbreaking part over.

"Bella," I bit out. She turned to me expectantly. "This is Lizzy."

--

I was watching Bella work over Tyler Crowley's hairy back and the one side of it that was shaved. She was working on her first client and as soon as she grabbed the needle and straddled the stool beside Lizzy I was glued to counter. Tyler was pissed because his appointment had been moved. I blamed Jasper, and he didn't care, because Tyler was an A-hole that no one really liked.

Bella was bent over, intensely concentrating on some bad tribal tattoo that he was damn proud of. I spent six weeks doing it across the top of his arm, down his back and to the crack of his ass. I was somewhat proud that I'd managed to finish it without breaking the scrawny weasel's neck.

He was blatantly flirting with Bella. There was obvious, and then there was pathetic. He was mooning over her, and every time her fingers would touch his skin I swear to God he had an orgasm.

I couldn't blame the guy, though. Bella had on light grey jeans, bright yellow heels and a sunny shirt to match. For the shitty weather outside she made everything a little brighter and a little less gloomy. She had her piercings match, yellow earrings and yellow balls on everything visible.

Tyler was babbling incessantly about his bulldog at home that had a seizure before he left. It was a typical guy move: talk about animals because all girls loved hearing about how you left your epileptic dog at home to touch up a brand new ugly tattoo.

Bella was rolling her eyes periodically, looking over at me when she smeared the ink with her rag. She was pleading for me to shut him up, but just looking at someone else manning Lizzy made me bitter enough to enjoy her agony.

"—and then he was like foaming at the mouth, so I was thinking, 'man this can't be good' but the vet said that I should give him baby aspirin, but I didn't have any. I'm not a baby so naturally I wouldn't have baby aspirin!" he laughed nervously probably realizing Bella hadn't said anything since he started his rant. "So the seizure stopped and he went to sleep—he wasn't dead or anything! I mean, he just fell asleep."

"Mmhmm," Bella hummed. "You're done."

"Really?" Tyler squeaked. "Time just flew by!"

"For who?" Bella muttered. I snickered and she looked up at me disapprovingly.

She cleaned up the gun while Tyler lingered in Lizzy. I looked at him and my eye twitched. He sprang up from the chair and looked back to check that there wasn't a mark on the vinyl. Good boy.

Bella cleaned out the cartridge and the needle while Tyler opened and closed his mouth like a fish, floundering for words. This would be the third time in the past two days that I witnessed this scene.

"What are you doing tonight?" Tyler finally sighed.

"Me?" Bella asked innocently. She turned around and put a finger to her lips like the conniving bitch she was. I stifled my grin. "I was just going to head home after work, soak in the tub, do all those girl things that we do." She laughed flirtatiously and it went straight to both mine and Tyler's groin.

He swallowed and licked his lips. Fucking gross. "Do you want—want to maybe come over?"

My lips twitched mercilessly and my hand gripped my stomach to stop from keeling over and laughing my ass off. What the hell was he thinking? It's pretty obvious that you don't invite a chick to your place when first meeting them.

Bella looked completely offended. Any form of flattery or flirtatiousness was gone, mashed under her angry, crazy eyes.

"I didn't mean like that," Tyler explained quickly. "I meant—the dog I mean. I thought you'd maybe want to see my dog."

"Nobody wants to see your _dog_," Bella sneered.

Tyler nodded quickly and turned toward reception where Rosalie was mumbling to herself while flipping through her record books. I felt bad for Tyler when she snapped at him for interrupting her. Not bad enough to do anything, though.

He looked back at Bella and she gave him her crazy eyes again. I laughed, laughed like I didn't give a shit just because I really didn't.

Bella was nuts, she was pretty loose and wild and didn't really care what anyone said. She lived for the moment and didn't particularly care when Alice made her inane fashion comments. Alice, the fucking fairy of hooker fashion.

Bella easily became my favorite person in _The Walk of Shame_ mostly because she—get this—treated Lizzy with respect. She cleaned up the vinyl, washed it daily, spit shined the chrome and worked the leg rest out slowly instead of springing it open. She even yelled at Jasper for hanging his jacket on it. The fucker didn't know hurricane Bella until she was wagging her finger and spitting out a fountain of expletives.

"People like _that_," Bella said pointing to Tyler. "Are why woman are afraid to commit."

"Reminds me of my ex," I muttered.

"The chick on your arm?" she asked. "Fake boobs are gross."

"Yes they are."

"Who broke up with who?" she asked casually.

"She broke up with me," I sighed.

She finished cleaning the counter and leaned against it. She pursed her lips a bit and traced a vine that climbed down over her arm with a number of figures trapped within them. "Was it… messy?"

I laughed. "No, not at all." She quirked an eyebrow. "She broke up with me, called one morning told me she met someone else, moved to Alaska with her sisters and I haven't heard from her since."

"Oh, cool," she nodded a few times.

"Yeah, cool," I think it was then that it actually kicked in. Casual conversation about the woman who screwed me over, all that bitterness and anger towards a bitch that didn't care about me.

Bella patted me on the shoulder and walked away, not one to pass judgment on others.

--

_Left, right, left, right._

I had watched a fountain of porn in my life.

_Left, right, left, right._

And I'd had sex with strangers in wild positions.

_Left, right, left, right._

But I'd _never_ seen anything as erotic as the sight in front of me.

I'd had fantasies of fucking on Lizzy. Not fucking Lizzy per se, but finding the right girl who met her approval and graciously let me bend her over, or have her squat on my lap, or even mesh in a little chair foreplay and letting me do my business. I respected Lizzy too much to desecrate her, and as much as Alice and Jasper led me to believe, I knew they'd never violated Lizzy before. I owned a hunting knife. I had a bad temper.

Just thinking about fucking on that vinyl, the way it would squeak against naked flesh and rock off balance and the chrome that would never bend no matter how much I gripped it, made me fucking steel hard.

And the girl in front of me spit shining Lizzy with her white gypsy skirt and tight black t-shirt with way too much cleavage was distracting me. I was pretty sure she wasn't wearing panties underneath with the way I could vaguely make out her cunt pressing right up against the flimsy material.

Sad as it was, ten o'clock every night was the highlight of my day. Bella would get down on her knees and wipe underneath Lizzy, bend over and scrub hard—

_Oh fuck. Her tits are swaying like a drunk girl on a balcony._

I never thought I'd be happier to see an ink stain on my precious girl than I was in that moment. It was like I was at a gentlemen's club sitting in one of those private rooms where you can just watch a chick work her magic without having to bone up to what you were doing.

_I've got a bone right here for 'ya._

Bella stood up straight with her hands on her hips, her face red from being bent over for so long. She turned around and let her eyes linger on the chair.

"I finally got it up," _hell yeah you did, baby._ "But I think the cushion might be stained for a while. Nothing a little wear won't get out."

"Let's wear it out together, hotass."

Oh fuck did I say that out loud?

Bella's head snapped over to me and her eyes went wide. Her mouth popped open and then her eyebrows contorted to that crazy stare that made me feel like I could just eat her face.

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

"What," she swallowed. "What did you just say?"

"Let's tear it up together?" I mumbled unintelligently. "There's a gentlemen's—fuck, I mean a club in the city."

"You fucking perv!" she yelled and threw her nasty rag at me. The damn thing landed on my crotch and if she couldn't see my dick standing at attention through the dark material of my jeans before, she sure as hell could now.

She gaped at my crotch like a blow-up doll and then looked up at face, probably expecting me to bumble like a fool, which I was doing a little bit of. But fuck it all, I'd been watching this little loud mouth crazy eyed bitch work around me with professionalism and a round ass and shiny hair with small feet and I was overwhelmed with some stupid kind of anxiety.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" she asked.

Oh, she was seeking an apology? Uh, no.

"It's not that big a deal," I scoffed a little hysterically. "You should be flattered."

Reaction I expected: some sort of Bella's hands meets Edward's body part in a hard whack.

Reaction I did not expect: Bella laughing her ass off, pointing her stubby finger in my direction.

"You—you gotta be kidding me!" she whaled. "You of _all_ people? Hah! You're a freakin' objectsexual!"

Ouch, that stung a little. I mean, I had affection for Lizzy but I didn't want to fuck the shit out of the area between the headrest. I wanted to fuck a person on Lizzy, but that wasn't creepy or anything. My man ego was shrinking with every second I let her continue chortling.

I stood up, determined to shut her loud mouth once and for all. I grabbed the back of her head, the clip that was keeping her hair from her face falling to the floor, and sealed my mouth over hers like Christopher Walken in _Sleepy Hollow._

She gasped and pushed against my chest making little noises of protest. This was new. Usually when I kissed a girl, which wasn't often, she was all into it. Bella had stopped laughing and began biting at my lips. It kind of turned me on, I was kinky, and maybe she was, too.

My hand that wasn't holding her snaked around to her lower back, moving her shirt up so that I could palm the warm flesh. She sighed a little bit and her eyes drooped. Her hand that was pushing at my nipple ring and cutting me up loosened and slid down to my belt where she rested it.

I had her. I finally fucking had her. No crazy eyes or loud mouth, just her puffy lips and once I wriggled my way in, her warm little tongue.

"Oh my God that's so gross."

"Ew, ew, ew!"

My vision blacked out before I saw red. Bella's eyes snapped open and she pushed me back so hard that I fell into my chair. She was breathing hard and her chest was heaving. She also had her crazy eyes back, but this time I couldn't tell if it was directed at me or Alice and Jasper.

"What the fuck do you want?" I snapped. Neither of them worked past nine, they should have been out of the shop and at home playing cowboys and Indians.

"We've _been_ in the back," Jasper drawled.

"Ew, Bella, I thought you had better taste, than—than _this_," Alice sneered.

"Just shut up," Bella grabbed Alice's purse which I'd just noticed was dropped on the floor, and threw it at her.

Alice looked alarmed. She was a rather friendly little creature, always thriving on friendship and reassurance. Looking at her it probably had something to do with her self-confidence, but Alice hated rejection, which was why she probably played it up with my obvious distaste of her.

She turned on her heel and walked out of the shop, shoulders shaking in anger. I should go see her anger management counselor.

When the door to the shop closed with a loud slam of the bell, Bella was still facing where Alice had been, her back to me. The heat of the moment was still rushing between us, tension and anger, I still had a hard-on so she undoubtedly had to be feeling some of this ungodly sexual tension.

"Why would you do that?" she asked.

"Do what?" I mumbled distractedly.

She whirred around and glared at me. "Kiss me!"

"Is that a request?"

She threw her hands up in exasperation, but I could see the smile tugging at her lips. Her hair fell around her without a clip to keep it back and she sighed loudly.

I'd been keeping it in for a week, trying to deny that the attraction between the two of us was anything but a massive lust induced wanton force, but the girl was… cute I guess.

"You really wanna know?" I asked. She quirked her eyebrow and nodded patiently. "I think you're sexy." Her face enflamed and she fidgeted. Had she really not seen that coming? "I mean that in the nicest, most sincere way possible, because the last chick I said that to and meant it wasn't even the girl on my arm."

"I think she's pretty sexy," Bella argued.

"You can be sexy on the outside," I thought for a moment. I was feeling all deep and philosophical so I couldn't let the moment escape. "But where it really counts is the inside."

She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Something straight out of a romance novel."

"Yeah, yeah, I see you reading those things all the time. Don't act like you didn't enjoy it." I grinned.

"So what does being sexy on the inside entail?"

"You can sit in Lizzy," I said a bit hesitantly. I needed to make sure she was right after all. If I wanted to smash her skull into the floor then this wasn't meant to be.

She gasped. "Really? Oh shucks, this is my dream come true!"

She tentatively sat above the foot rest and then swung her legs over. She kept eye contact as she slowly sat back in the chair and settled in. Her shoulders caved a bit and she sighed aloud. Maybe she finally realized why Lizzy was so amazing, comfy, beautiful and sexy.

The impulse to smash her skull in was no where to be found. _Well, I'll be damned…._

Bella closed her eyes, smiling cheekily as she soaked up the moment in Lizzy. My dick got harder at the sight and a thousand different scenarios that I'd had during the week all rolled by. Well hell. If it felt right then it must have been right.

I leaned over her, and when she felt my presence her eyes snapped open and looked a bit worried. I mentally grinned; she'd be staying in this chair for hours before I let her up.

Her big, brown, doe eyes looked up at me and her lips parted just the slightest. She looked a little afraid and that wild look made me giddy. I dipped down and pressed my tongue directly to pulse point under her ear. The strangest sound left her mouth, like a mix between a whimper and panicked cry.

Something primal in me snapped and mixed with the hormones that hadn't been let out to anything other than my hand in months. Said hands were moving to her waist and on the soft flesh of her stomach while my legs straddled her. Bella started to squirm under me, her stomach rolling with her hips under my hands. The rough calluses felt eased when they scratched against her hips and the more I rubbed them up and down the more her back arched and the cleavage in her shirt flushed up to me.

I leaned down to nip at her collarbone and the sultry little thing bit the cartilage on my unpierced ear. Her teeth sunk down like they would on an apple and her hands dove into my hair. I bit at her collarbone and then her neck even harder. Her teeth unclenched from my ear but she managed to get one of her legs out from under me and her bare fucking foot came up to my crotch.

_Hold it together boy, no need to jizz my pants over a foot. We don't work like that._

Since she so boldly made the first move I did the second. Her shirt ripped upward over her head and I barely recognized the sound of it hitting the counter and something shattering to the floor.

_Oh, sweet mother of real, divine tits, thank you for this banquet of which I am about to fest upon._

She had on a purple bra with a weird texture of squiggly lines that somehow formed into a perfect path to the center of her cleavage. I licked my lips and Bella bit her lip before thrusting her chest up at me.

"Do you want some steak sauce?" she laughed.

"I prefer whip cream."

My whole mouth descended on her chest and I bit the fabric as hard as I dared and blew hot breath until she was squirming. A guttural groan left her throat while one of her hands twisted my nipple ring. Goddamn.

Fingers fumbling behind her back I managed to get the damn bra off and was rewarded with hard pink nipples and light brown areolas. Her foot swept over my dick again and I lifted it by the ankle and pressed it to my shoulder. Bella's eyes were dark and she was panting the dirtiest fucking words I'd ever heard, none of which were expletives mind you.

I lifted her long skirt and bunched it at her waist, and then slipped it down her legs, grabbing both ankles in one hand before the white material fell to the floor. I was right, no panties.

Never would I have thought that I'd have a delicious chick in my Lizzy. Naked. Panting. Ass squirming against the vinyl. Shaved and bare. Precum dripping all the way down her thighs and about to smear all over.

Nope, I couldn't have that. It would be much too disrespectful to Lizzy….

With her legs still together and her thighs pressing closed just milking that lovely little snatch, I bent down and licked it all up.

"Oh fucking God," she breathed.

"God ain't fucking you baby," I drawled.

One leg wiggled its way out and he leaned it over the armrest, revealing a thin tiny ring between her clit. She grinned up at me, because for some reason I hadn't expected it to be there, and I was staring like a teenager coming upon his first Play Boy magazine.

"It's new," she wiggled her hips. "Help me test it out."

I leaned in and sucked it into my mouth. She wasn't expecting my forwardness and screamed out while her legs shook and wrapped around my neck in a death lock. Note to self; don't scare Bella when going down on her.

She stuttered over some words that didn't make any sense, sometimes she threw in my name, or 'oh my God' a little bit of 'fuck yes' and a sprinkle of 'yeah baby' but it usually ended with some kind of little whimper. She wasn't a screamed that was for damn sure. But when I was rough and dragged some stubble over her she had a violent bodily reaction.

I sat up on my knees and fumbled with my belt, trying to get the warn notch to slide through without catching and fucking finally my dick sprang free into the air, looking directly at Bella who grinned like the cat who ate the canary. Which was probably what she was planning on doing.

She touched a finger to the three millimeter Prince Albert and tugged on it. I pulled at her double ball piercing and she bucked her hips up. Bella leaned forward and right as her jaw was unhinging I pushed her back down.

"You do that and I'll cum like a fifteen-year-old." I panted.

She grinned the cockiest grin I'd ever seen in my life and leaned up anyway, kissing the head and giving a solid lick before sitting on her knees, putting her hands on either side of the headrest and bent over with her back to me.

"Prince Albert's work better in this position," she breathed.

I nodded distractedly and smacked my hand over her ass. I was mesmerized by the mural of a waterfall on her back with nymphs playing in the tide and the different variations of insects and wildlife. She threw her hips backward and I hissed, rolling my nails into my palms to stop from losing it.

I impaled myself and held still for a moment because I hadn't expected her to be so warm and tight. Tanya had a pretty loose snatch and I had a pretty big dick so it evened out. Bella gasped and put her mouth against the vinyl of the headrest. Bella on Lizzy action, hot.

"Oh God, move!" she ordered.

Like a whipped puppy I did as she said and started ramming into her. Ugh. I hadn't fucked anyone in so long, and I hadn't anticipated for every nerve in my body to light up and come crashing down in my balls until they were getting so tight that it hurt. I imagined this was what blue balls resulted in.

Bella pushed back harder and her sweaty body was sliding against the back of the chair with gasps leaving her throat each time I plummeted into her. I pulled out again and instead of slamming back in I rocked forward until I heard some sort of sign… and there it was. Bella moaned out and one hand started clawing at her tit while I continuously rocked, making sure my Prince Albert was doing what it was meant to do.

"Oh… fuck—yes, right there, right fucking there," she yelled at me.

When I was sure neither of us could take it anymore, and Bella was so worked up that she was screaming out profanities that would have made Emmett blush, I shot forward and the force of her G-spot rocked her forward until her orgasm had us both shaking and the chair groaning.

Her cum and my cum dripped down her legs and the front of my thighs and I just couldn't believe it. I didn't care that Lizzy was covered in sweat and excrements or that I was pretty sure Bella left bite marks; all that mattered was that girl slumping in my chair and thanking me over and over again.

I somehow managed to haul her up and onto my lap while we spent ten minutes trying to catch our breath and ignored the drying and flaky shit all over our legs. I was pretty sure Bella got the worst of it.

"Jesus, that was intense," she breathed.

"Don't I know it—" my breath caught in my throat as a trail of black ink came into my line of sight.

Bella looked up at me in alarm and her eyes moved over to the floor. The black ink pooled around the chair was beginning to dry on the chrome. I jumped up and Bella looked at me incredulously while I tried to dry up the ink naked.

She scoffed and muttered, "Objectsexual."

* * *

**A/N: I'd like to add some footnotes if I may.**

**Some things I've read regarding tattoo shops paint them in this light that the people are drug addicts, alcoholics, swear a lot and have no decency. As someone who had good friends that worked in a tattoo shop I have to say that none--although I'm sure it varies for others--of it's true. I think the Skin Heads gave a bad rep, but the people who work there are human, they may or may not have made mistakes, and they're the same as someone working an office job, they just have art on their skin.**

**Double ball piercing is a straight bar with two screws at the end. They're most commonly used in clitorous piercings, but that's not all they're subject to.**

**That being said, thank you to everyone who read.**


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